Sometimes life seems so difficult..nothing falls in place whatever you do is always less..in such times of despair i remember rumi's saying "what you are seeking is seeking you"..this quote gives me immense strenght and optimism it makes me believe that somewhere someone is seeking me for work too..before entering this field least did i know that the sideeffect of this big dream to make it big in this acting field will be depression!! Side effect of many things esp diseases is depression so is for struggle..today sitting at home waiting for that one call which would spark up my mood i realise that i have become so dependant on my career that now i m just dead tired of this struggle.. I want it to end.. I think i have learned enough .i dont want this struggle and its side effect depression any more..as an actor in this journey i feel i hav got my lessons in every faction of life..the biggest learning being patience.. I hav learned to be foccussed like arjun of Mahabharata.. I have learned that least u expect the more u get surprises n vice versa.. I have noticed my own different kind of mental and emotional states and observed myself, my expressions which i believe will immensely help me in my performances as its said the more experienced u are the better the actor u turn out to be..whats life without experiences right? I have learned whom to trust and whom to not..i have learned to control my emotions n my desires..oh God what not i hav learned though its not enough for life but i guess more than enough for this struggle to end..this journey no doubt has made me philosophical and deep..i m proud of myself to hang in there despite all failures ,my anxiety, and depression.. Its easy to give up but tough to keep on restarting from square one..u feel everything is on track your dream is about to realise then suddenly sometimes because of ur own mistakes everything falls apart and have to start up from square one..ask me how does it feel..i crib i cry i shout in pain but whatever it takes i never give up even if i have to start from zero again..then i realise how strong i am.i have a story to tell how many does hav?
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