kabhi khushi kabhi gham

Sometimes life seems so difficult..nothing falls in place whatever you do is always less..in such times of despair i remember rumi's saying "what you are seeking is seeking you"..this quote gives me immense strenght and optimism it makes me believe that somewhere someone is seeking me for work too..before entering this field least did i know that the sideeffect of this big dream to make it big in this acting field will be depression!! Side effect of many things esp diseases is depression so is for struggle..today sitting at home waiting for that one call which would spark up my mood i realise that i have become so dependant on my career that now i m just dead tired of this struggle.. I want it to end.. I think i have learned enough .i dont want this struggle and its side effect depression any more..as an actor in this journey i feel i hav got my lessons in every faction of life..the biggest learning being patience.. I hav learned to be foccussed like arjun of Mahabharata.. I have learned that least u expect the more u get surprises n vice versa.. I have noticed my own different kind of mental and emotional states and observed myself, my expressions which i believe will immensely help me in my performances as its said the more experienced u are the better the actor u turn out to be..whats life without experiences right? I have learned whom to trust and whom to not..i have learned to control my emotions n my desires..oh God what not i hav learned though its not enough for life but i guess more than enough for this struggle to end..this journey no doubt has made me philosophical and deep..i m proud of myself to hang in there despite all failures ,my anxiety, and depression.. Its easy to give up but tough to keep on restarting from square one..u feel everything is on track your dream is about to realise then suddenly sometimes because of ur own mistakes everything falls apart and have to start up from square one..ask me how does it feel..i crib i cry i shout in pain but whatever it takes i never give up even if i have to start from zero again..then i realise how strong i am.i have a story to tell how many does hav?

kabhi khushi kabhi gham

Sometimes life seems so difficult..nothing falls in place whatever you do is always less..in such times of despair i remember rumi's saying "what you are seeking is seeking you"..this quote gives me immense strenght and optimism it makes me believe that somewhere someone is seeking me for work too..before entering this field least did i know that the sideeffect of this big dream to make it big in this acting field will be depression!! Side effect of many things esp diseases is depression so is for struggle..today sitting at home waiting for that one call which would spark up my mood i realise that i have become so dependant on my career that now i m just dead tired of this struggle.. I want it to end.. I think i have learned enough .i dont want this struggle and its side effect depression any more..as an actor in this journey i feel i hav got my lessons in every faction of life..the biggest learning being patience.. I hav learned to be foccussed like arjun of Mahabharata.. I have learned that least u expect the more u get surprises n vice versa.. I have noticed my own different kind of mental and emotional states and observed myself, my expressions which i believe will immensely help me in my performances as its said the more experienced u are the better the actor u turn out to be..whats life without experiences right? I have learned whom to trust and whom to not..i have learned to control my emotions n my desires..oh God what not i hav learned though its not enough for life but i guess more than enough for this struggle to end..this journey no doubt has made me philosophical and deep..i m proud of myself to hang in there despite all failures ,my anxiety, and depression.. Its easy to give up but tough to keep on restarting from square one..u feel everything is on track your dream is about to realise then suddenly sometimes because of ur own mistakes everything falls apart and have to start up from square one..ask me how does it feel..i crib i cry i shout in pain but whatever it takes i never give up even if i have to start from zero again..then i realise how strong i am.i have a story to tell how many does hav?

Chapter 3- My 1st audition .

            I remember that day very well infact each and every moment is very fresh..i wore my best top and jeans that day.Then we suddenly realized that i don't have any makeup stuff and we realised that not because we thought its necessary which ofcourse it is but because i had few blemishes on my face and i wasnt looking attractive enough.so we planned we will buy it on the way and apply it.Okay now the funny part is i saw my mom using lakme foundation and compact powder and lipstick so these are the only things i bought for myself in a mall went to the washroom and stood there wondering how to apply these as i have never used them before.Then i used my common sense and applied the foundation like a cream and dabbed some compact on it and wore little lipstick..i realised i was looking plastic and way fairer than my usual tone funny though but couldnt help as i knew no other way.My bf said i looked pretty and i believed without realising that ofcourse i look pretty to him anyways and in any situation.I was very confident that i would nail it.Reached the venue and met the concerned person.i was given a piece of paper with the dialouges on it.thankully there was a make-up man he did my touch up and gave me weired looks u know why right! then i was done with my lines and i enacted it infront of the camera i had no idea what to do so i was instructed i managed it after a few takes.now when i remember i think my audition was awful n my hindi was bad but that time i had no idea i thought i was pretty good as i finished my lines whatsoever and i was pretty sure i will get this role..over confidence or may be over optimism.lol..in the meantime my intelligent bf had a chat with the casting director and asked him to give us few contacts of agencies and coordinators as they are called who send u for various auditions and charge a comission of around 20-25%.Since i was destined to become an actor we got a list of some of the good coordinators contacts.And what else,started calling them and mailing them my so called then portfolio.
   rest later..the journey has just begun.stay hooked.cya.

Chapter 2- The 1st Step towards "how to become an actor".

       i was so excited about enrolling myself in anupam khers actor prepares academy part time course which would have cost me 10k.so accordingly we saved 15k remember by doing events.but as its famously said God has His own plans we ended up buying a second hand bike worth 7k it was too good a deal to resist moreover we needed to travel to andheri for meetings and auditions so it was justified also.but then i had no knowledge of acting so it was really important for me to join some acting class so i found this theatre group acting class in the news paper ads whch was around 3k so we both enrolled ourselves.i was really excited because we got something to pass time atleast that too related to "how to become an actor".so we basically were given a script of a play by the famous premchand and i got to play the lead role in that as i was the only girl in the group apart from me there was a middle aged lady and five guys.we learned and practiced our lines everyday it was fun since it was something new and it gave me kick.okay i remember this funny incident where i fell down off the bike in the middle of the highway and that happened because my bf never rode a bike before this! so its like we were doing many things for the 1st time,no wonder why i quoted my journey as a roller coaster ride.okay so classes were going pretty well atleast it was helping me open up and gave me some idea about acting techniques and after classes we indulged ourselves in samosas n sweets caring least about putting on weight that time! off late we started realising that i need to atleast showcast whatever acting talent i had by u know going for auditions..this we googled and found out that 1st step towards "how to become an actor" is by giving auditions,for those who are unaware auditions are tests of your acting abilities where you are given a sheet of paper with few lines and u have to enact those lines according to the character brief u have been given infront of the camera..they basically test ur acting skills and also see if u fit in the character look wise..that time i had no idea about where these auditions are held and how do i reach there.so again took the help of google and after lots of surfing found out few good and genuine looking casting agencies or modelling agencies as they are called
.they asked me to register online most of them are free and some even charged a nominal amount which was fine for me atleast those paid sites gave me some confidence that they would be better than the others u know how human mind thinks that the more expensive something is the more valuable it is.they asked me to mail my pictures not normal self clicked pics..these were studio clicked pics by proffessional photographers according to your budget ofcourse which in modelling and acting field is called a portfolio.i got my portfolio shot in a basic studio at a very nominal cost of rs700! i know unbelieable right but they were ameturish,but for that time i thought it was pretty good,and not to forget i was a little plump too though i didnt realise it that time ..so i got this 1st call as expected from the paid registered agency,they asked me to go for an audition for a tv serial happeing in a renowed production house,sorry cant take names..that time my target was only to get a role as i was so innocent that i thought all continuity roles in a tv are equally important so that time i didnt have this concept of only giving audition for lead and niether did i hav any idea about makeup!!
   so in my next post i would be more than happy to share my very 1st audition experience..so wait and watch.

Chapter 1 - The Beginning of "how to become an actor"

                                I still remember the day,oh my God i was finally about to reach the city of my dreams i should have been scared right!! but no i wasn't at all,there was some kind of faith or optimism that i was holding on to..So,Its the day i finally landed in mumbai with my boyfriend..we reached dadar station and took a cab..let me tell u i infact we both had no idea about mumbai..u might be wondering what was in our mind..for the starter let me tell u we googled a bit n did our recee..like where to stay n we also worked part time in events before coming to mumbai n collected a sum of 15k!! thinking that would be a good start..anyways we reached dadar and took a cab to mira road..for people who don't know whats mira road its a suburb of mumbai where house rates and rent is comparatively low..so we googled few estate agents and reached there..all throughout the only feeling that occupied my mind was is it going to happen? i was nervous and happy at the same time..cause i am always happy to start new things..new things give me kick..i know i m a risktaker a big one otherwise which 19 year old has the guts to drop out of college n come to a completely new city with the dream of becoming a star without any knowledge or contacts..i managed to not only convince myself but also my boyfriend to participate in my journey..love can make u do things u know..so now we reach our desired estate agent location..and the taxi driver asked for his meter which was something around rs400 i don't remember exactly as it was long time back.since i got down from the cab i was completely lost and busy looking at the surroundings so was my bf..he gave away rs500 note and waited for the change but the driver was like u only gave me rs100 note and since we both were lost we were not sure n thought may be he is right..so we paid him again and he drove off..later when we calculated n cross checked with how much is left in the wallet we found out that just minutes before we have been cheated of rs500!!! 
                                   So,the first thing i learned from my first day in mumbai is however excited or nervous u are but u have to be alert 24/7..just fasten your seat belts cause the roller-coaster ride has just begun..pls wait for my next post..cya.